


The Telling of the Tale, Pt. 4

by gypsyweaver



Series: A Tale of Crowns and Coins [33]
Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Angst, Aziraphale Loves Crowley (Good Omens), Backstory, Exposition, Fights, Improvised weapons, M/M, Multi, No Smut, Other, Post-Fall (Good Omens), Protective Beelzebub (Good Omens)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-21
Updated: 2021-02-21
Packaged: 2021-03-17 16:40:09
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,682
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29595675
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gypsyweaver/pseuds/gypsyweaver
Summary: Sometimes, the only way to deal with a lover's quarrel is to take up a snake-shaped entity and use him as a bullwhip against your ex.Crowley tells the tale of how he ended up in the middle of a fight right after his Fall.
Relationships: Aziraphale/Crowley (Good Omens), Beelzebub & Crowley (Good Omens), Beelzebub & Gabriel (Good Omens), Beelzebub/Gabriel (Good Omens)
Series: A Tale of Crowns and Coins [33]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1684990
Kudos: 4





	The Telling of the Tale, Pt. 4

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Angel_P](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Angel_P/gifts).



> CW: Bugs, snakes, hell, comedic violence, snake-like entity abuse

“Do you want to tell the next part?” Beelzebub asked Crowley, squeezing his hand. “You tell it better than I do.”

“If my Prince insists,” Crowley said, and laid a quick kiss on their knuckles.

“I do.”

“Ah, well,” Crowley began. “Whilst Lucifer was busy getting himself exploded, most of the rest of us had congregated on this...uh...big flat expanse. It was a bit away from the lake, and we didn’t trust the lake, you see? It had burned off our wings, and some of us came out looking...well, you’ve met Duke Hastur. He wasn’t there yet--Fell later. But the ones who were...we were some ugly buggers.”

“You weren’t,” Beelzebub said crisply. “You were a thing of beauty.”

“Eh...” Crowley said noncommittally. “I was a snake.”

“Yes, you were,” they said. “The second time I ever saw Crowley, he was a snake. Crowley was a big, black snake and Asmodeus was beating Moloch with him.”

Aziraphale looked horrified, but Gabriel was interested in _this_ tale. He leaned in to listen.

Crowley smiled, “Do you want to tell it, or shall I?”

“Go on, then.”

They spoke like old familiars, and where Gabriel might have once been jealous, he felt calm acceptance. This person was a part of Beelzebub’s life and story, and Gabriel found that he welcomed all of Beelzebub’s life and all of Beelzebub’s story. That included Crowley, and so Gabriel's jealous heart relented, and he gave Crowley the space that he needed to weave his tale.

“So...” Crowley continued. “I’ve been an angel my whole existence, and I’ve only ever known angels. I watched God create the humans, but other than that? Eh...not a lot of life in outer space. Just cold, dark, and empty.” He sighed, peering at Beelzebub over his dark glasses. “And now? Burnt to a crisp and still somehow breathing, healed--thank you, Beelzebub--and surrounded by...monsters...on this flat, black rock. Just waiting. We didn’t know what for, just waiting.”

Crowley paused, running his thumb over Aziraphale’s knuckles. He turned his golden, lamp-like eyes on the principality, and looked mournful.

“Oh, we were children, then!” Crowley said, unexpectedly (to Gabriel) dramatic in his delivery. “Ugly children, sure, but still children! That’s the thing about war. You don’t stay children. Not for very long.”

Aziraphale pat his hand.

“So, while my Lord of the Flies was making certain that Old Scratch stayed calm, the others started talking amongst themselves.” His hands flew, drawing the scene with his fingers, gesturing at them. “They’re trying to find old friends, lovers, colleagues, any familiar face at all. Normal stuff when you’re facing the absolute death of everything you ever knew, and the only person that I recognize is Belphegor. He was another Starhanger.”

“It was good fortune that he was nearby,” Beelzebub said.

“Yeah, as many of us as were there...millions of us,” Crowley agreed. “So I ask him if he has any idea what’s going on with this Hell place and the Fall, and he says he doesn’t have any idea. I told him that I thought God might be punishing us, and he agreed. But, he’s Belphegor, and pretty soon, he’s in his own head with his numbers and his equations and his questions.” Crowley sighed, clasping his flying hands tight in front of him. “That’s the difference between Belphegor and me. Belphegor kept his questions inside. I asked them. Out loud, to God. I pointed out that the humans were made from clay from the angel’s latrine...so made of shite. I Fell for asking Her my questions...I couldn’t tell you why Belphegor Fell.”

“I have my suspicions,” Beelzebub said.

“Enlighten me.”

“She didn’t need him anymore. The ones who Fell were the Garden Angels and the Builders.” Beelzebub shrugged. “She kept the Warriors. Those Warriors who were named as Watchers fell later. And some of the other Warriors Fell, just to even us out.”

“Hastur was a Warrior,” Crowley agreed.

“And Ligur was a Watcher.”

“A Watcher?”

“A Watcher.”

“Aren’t the Watchers still under Mount Hermon?”

“One isn’t.” Beelzebub’s voice was flat. “I would have thought him to be a mere Warrior, too, Crowley. But Gabriel remembered his name when he saw him as an angel.”

“I’m sure you’ll be able to explain that, eventually.”

“Eventually, after the war.”

“Right, well, war,” Crowley continued. “We didn’t know anything about it...I mean, we had no concept of what a war even WAS. At that point, I’d managed to find precisely one other Starhanger, and was otherwise surrounded by strangers.” He smiled, and it was a slip of a smile. A sad thing, wan and distant as the fading moon. “Ever watch a child, a small one, who’s left alone? A bored kid? If they have their friends, they might talk. They might play. If they’re alone...they might make trouble.”

Gabriel spared Beelzebub a quick glance. They were smirking. They knew this story. It looked to Gabriel that Crowley was getting to the good part.

“We were millions, but we’d been shuffled, so we were all alone. To a point, we were alone,” Crowley explained, his fingers steepling as he spoke. “Some of us tried to find familiar ones, and some just waited--shocked by being torn away from the love of God, or maybe from the flames? I'm not sure, but there was a pervasive...unease...over the crowd. And with a crowd that big, that's a lot of unease."

"It sounds tense," Aziraphale said.

"It was," Crowley agreed. "Besides Belphegor, who was too deep in his head to be any help at all, there was another demon beside me...It was Asmodeus, but I didn’t know him at the time. He looked...well...like the rest of us--dirty, naked, scared. And he looked like me from behind, apparently. Both of us redheads, and I suppose that was enough. Well, Moloch and him, they didn’t get on so well in the beginning. Both blamed each other for their Fall.”

“They were friends, once,” Beelzebub said, directing their explanation to Gabriel and to Aziraphale. “They ate of the fruit, and they became lovers.”

“Oh, dear,” Aziraphale said. “They would have known that it was a sin outside of marriage. And they did it in spite...”

Crowley nodded. “No marriage for angels, so...”

“Indeed. I see.”

“Eugh...so Moloch saw a redhead, and Asmodeus was of a height with me, which is how I got punched in the back of the head. I went down and hard. Asmodeus whipped around, and figured out pretty quick that Moloch meant for him to take that punch. The two of them were on each other, even though we really didn't know the first thing about fighting. They were just mad--angry and crazy and terrified. So they just balled up their fists and started swinging at each other." Crowley paused. "And then, there was me. On the ground. Between them.”

Aziraphale’s eyes were as wide as saucers. “What did you do?”

“I turned into a snake, same as what happened to Beelzebub, I s’pose,” he said with a shrug. “I got scared, and I changed.”

“Good thing you did,” Beelzebub said. “Your scales were as black as the stone.”

“Moloch and Asmodeus were busy trying to kill each other, and nobody else really seemed to notice me,” Crowley said. “Everybody backed up, like school kids when a fight goes down. That gave Asmodeus and Moloch room to beat the snot out of each other. Moloch hit Asmodeus with a rock, so Asmodeus grabbed for a weapon.” Crowley shuddered. “All Asmodeus found was my tail, and so he whipped me around and beat Moloch with ME.”

“Oh...oh dear,” Aziraphale said, and tried not to laugh.

Gabriel chewed on his lips to keep his laughter inside him.

“I tried to scream, and that was a mistake,” Crowley continued. “My mouth was open, because I was trying to scream. That’s how my fangs ended up in Moloch’s shoulder. And then his neck. Then, his face.”

“Ouch...” Gabriel said, and meant it.

“Thanks,” Crowley grumbled, and it seemed to Gabriel to be a sincere grumble. “Moloch was bleeding all over the place, and I’m in a complete panic. Not that I can do anything to save myself. Belphegor tried to break it up, but he got punched by both of them for his troubles. In the end, it was the Lord of the Flies who managed to get them to stop.”

“I flew in between them as a swarm,” Beelzebub explained.

“It was the most terrifying thing, this big shapeless black thing buzzing loudly for everyone to stop. What do you know? Moloch and Asmodeus stopped,” Crowley said. His voice was soft when he spoke again. “You turned into yourself, in those very fine black robes. This was an important person, and so everyone just stopped. That's when you said that you needed me.”

“Asmodeus thought that he’d killed you.”

“I’m a bit more resilient,” Crowley said, and laughed. “I turned back into myself and said some angry words to him. Then, I remember you took me away from the others.”

“I did.”

“And you told me to go up there and make trouble.”

“I told you to make sure that the humans sinned against God--”

“I like my version better, and I’m telling this story.”

“Alright, I told you to make trouble,” Beelzebub relented with a chuckle. “I knew you wouldn’t hurt the humans, and I knew you wouldn’t hurt my baby.”

Aziraphale flushed.

Beelzebub smiled at him.

Crowley continued. “And I suppose you went and whipped the rest of them into a bloodthirsty frenzy--not that Moloch and Asmodeus needed much help in that department.”

“I did. The war happened to protect Crowley and his mission,” they said, matter-of-factly. “There was never any other objective. We knew that we would never regain the Garden, let alone Heaven’s grace. This was about freeing the humans, and moving the Divine Plan forward.”

“And that it did,” Crowley said. “That it definitely did.”

**Author's Note:**

> For Angel_P, who liked the last one!
> 
> Been a while. I've been bad off healthwise, and depressed, and a million other things. 
> 
> I started working on another project, but I refuse to put anything out on it until I finish this one and Ineffable Teens. That's the motivation that I need, apparently.
> 
> Love and light!


End file.
